What if my heart stopped beating tonight? This thought floated through my mind as I loaded up the dishwasher before heading to bed. It seemed to come out of nowhere. But perhaps it was a nudge from God reminding me to take a good look at my life. A good…
See that blue sky in the distance? You’re headed straight for it. And it might not be as far away as it seems. This weekend I drove hundreds of miles to meet some of the brightest women I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. The clouds…
They say the days of motherhood are long. And the nights too. For motherhood is an all-consuming job. And perhaps this is even more true for the mother who does not hold her child in her arms. Because although gone, her child’s life still consumes her, in…
“It goes by so fast,” they said, each time they saw us together, mother and child. And I didn’t believe them. But in hindsight it’s obvious that they were right. And while I admittedly haven’t enjoyed every moment with you, you’ve provided…
A Birthday, Father’s Day and a Due Date
Today is a day of mixed emotions. A little girl’s birthday. Father’s Day. And a due date that did not result in a birth date. If I could go back to this date three years ago, I would cry all the tears I wanted to cry…
There’s no doubt that having children makes life ten times more difficult. For every second that I have my back turned, ten minutes worth of destruction occurs. For each toy that my children put away, there are ten more they toss on the floor. For every dangerous object…
I’ve felt a little bit like my high school self lately. Not the carefree one that I always picture in my head or the one that (supposedly) didn’t care what people thought. But the one who was always looking around, feeling small, wishing I looked like…
No Mom, I’m Busy
After a busy morning of running errands, complete with toddler meltdowns and a brief episode of panic when I momentarily lost sight of my older one, I looked forward to spending the remainder of the day at home. I fed the kids lunch and as usual they dished out an…
When life gets uncomfortable it’s easy to busy ourselves in order to escape whatever discomfort we are facing. Work. Hobbies. Fitness. Social media. Organizing. Rearranging. Shopping. And whatever else we can think of to do. I found myself in that place today. Because, you know, kids. And summer…
Letting Go of Guilt When a Memory Brings More Joy Than Pain
There wasn’t much that I shared with the Facebook world after losing Micah because, well, my life was far from picture perfect. The doom and gloom of pregnancy loss doesn’t really interest people, and I didn’t have the energy to pretend that I thought…