How a School Enrollment Form Reminded Me of The Blank Spaces in Our Family
When you lose a baby, there are always spaces in life that remain blank, empty. Your arms and lap. A bed, a crib. A seat at the dinner table, a place on the couch. A spot in the annual family picture. Photo albums, scrapbooks. Boxes on the calendar where birthdays…
I Love You Enough To Not Give You Everything You Want
My daughter sat on the bed, pouting, upset that I wouldn’t take her to the store to get a new toy. “I love you,” I said as I turned to leave the room. “And, I’m sorry that you can’t have everything you want. “Only…
I Took My Son’s Birthday For Granted and Almost Missed It
My son’s second birthday came and went with very little fanfare. In fact, if it weren’t for his big sister reminding us of it every ten seconds, there’s a good chance it would have passed by without much thought at all. We were caught…
Confession: These two weren’t the only ones having an epic meltdown. Behind the camera, I was making an even bigger scene than they were. I stomped my foot dramatically, while venomous words dripped from my mouth through clenched teeth. Tears welled up in the corners of my eyes…
“Mommy, can I get a bikini?” my daughter asked in a hushed voice, her eyes hopeful. Her swimsuit was tattered and torn and she was definitely in need of a new one. And her question came as no surprise to me as she has recently gained an interest in bikinis…
Sometimes I still can’t believe that I get to parent my rainbow baby. Two years ago today, at just under 39 weeks pregnant, I checked into the hospital for a scheduled induction of labor. My midwife had offered me this option a week or two early as she…
It’s so easy to miss the blessing of my children in the chaos of each day. The joy, the gifts. Those things get lost in the racket of raising kids. My days overflow with deafening noise and without a minute to think, I become overwhelmed. From the minute…
We stopped in at a run down motel during the start of our second road trip of the season. And while I had desperately wished for sleep, I knew it was unlikely. And sure enough, his cries rang out just as I was settling in. And I knew we were…
What if my heart stopped beating tonight? This thought floated through my mind as I loaded up the dishwasher before heading to bed. It seemed to come out of nowhere. But perhaps it was a nudge from God reminding me to take a good look at my life. A good…
“It goes by so fast,” they said, each time they saw us together, mother and child. And I didn’t believe them. But in hindsight it’s obvious that they were right. And while I admittedly haven’t enjoyed every moment with you, you’ve provided…