When Life’s Long Winters Numb Your Heart
We’re in the middle of a long winter, slogging through days of below-zero temperatures and endless piles of snow. We’ve been stuck inside, the winds too strong and the air too cold to enjoy the snow, or even leave the house. In terms of weather…
She’ll Always Be My Little Girl, No Matter Her Size
There isn’t much that tickles my tastebuds with bittersweet longing quite like the flavor of passing time. Especially when it comes to my children. Over the course of a week, I’d noticed a few of my daughter’s shirts hugging her a little too tightly…
How a Trip to the Dentist Revealed Hard Truths of Motherhood
“He’s got significantly more tartar buildup than the average 2-year-old,” the dentist told me upon inspecting my son’s teeth during his first dental appointment. And while the comment was probably meant as nothing more than the sharing of information, it felt like I was…
When the Chaos is Everything I Asked For
“Is this all I’m meant for?” I thought as I stood over the kitchen sink scrubbing yet another stack of dirty dishes. My ears were ringing, not just from the clatter of pots and pans, but from the shrieks of my children who were running circles around me…
How a Snow Day Reminded Me of the Baby Who is Missing
My husband watched the kids gleefully play in the snow while I cooked dinner. He had bundled them in layers of fleece and feathers, leaving only their faces bare. And off they went to dig in and slide down the biggest snowdrift in the yard. My husband’s ears…
His Hands Hold Ours
His hands held mine – In the deep, low valleys And over the highest peaks. Through the violent storms, And under the clear, inviting sky. His hands held mine – When my heart was breaking, And there was no remedy. When life pulled me under, His hands pulled me back up…
I Believe in Something Greater Than Myself
Confession: I don’t believe in myself. It’s a secret I’ve been keeping for too long. And while it’s not a popular statement, it’s true. I don’t believe in myself to accomplish whatever I set my mind to. I…
Waiting For the Light to Return During a Season of Darkness
Super Bowl Sunday is a reminder for me. Of defeat. Of being on the losing team. Of an ending. Four years ago, as the lights went out on another season of football, as one team walked off the field defeated and disappointed, all I could think about was how the…
Dear Mama Who is Pregnant After Loss, Carry On in Love and Hope
Dear Mama, I know how hard it is, this whole pregnancy after loss thing. Maybe you aren’t feeling excited. Maybe you’re not up for celebrating just yet. And that’s okay. While there might seem to be a lack of enthusiasm, I know there is no lack of…
I Carried Them, But I Didn’t Create Them
I carried them. But I didn’t create them. A place containing nothing was mysteriously filled with something, a treasure too incredible to have been constructed by my faulty human hands. My still and silent womb suddenly swayed to the rhythm of life. The chorus of rushing blood and…