They say the days of motherhood are long. And the nights too. For motherhood is an all-consuming job. And perhaps this is even more true for the mother who does not hold her child in her arms. Because although gone, her child’s life still consumes her, in…
Letting Go of Guilt When a Memory Brings More Joy Than Pain
There wasn’t much that I shared with the Facebook world after losing Micah because, well, my life was far from picture perfect. The doom and gloom of pregnancy loss doesn’t really interest people, and I didn’t have the energy to pretend that I thought…
Mother’s Day is just around the corner, and being that it is always on a Sunday, many of us start our Mother’s Day celebrations by heading to church. Over the past few years, I’ve paid special attention to the prayers that are spoken in…
While working to declutter my bedroom today, I came across a stack of old journals and skimmed through one of them. It was the one that was given to me at the hospital after baby Micah died, and for months, I had filled its empty pages with my heartache and…
It’s In Noticing What I Have that I Become Aware of What I Don’t
Stroking the soft red curls that grace the head of my son. And braiding the straight brown locks that graze the shoulders of my daughter. Listening to my bookworm of a daughter read aloud, her voice filled with glee. And hearing my son gripe in his garbled chatter while I…
The Lies Satan Told Me After My Baby Died
Losing my baby was without question the most difficult experience of my life. For months, my life consisted of nothing more than overwhelming grief, heartache and emptiness. Day after day, I nearly drowned in a pool of my own tears and barely escaped being suffocated by the bone crushing sorrow…
When an Episode of Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood Makes Me Feel Bad
I can never be sure when I will be re-traumatized by memories of loss; when grief related triggers will pop up. Today it happened during the chaos of the after-school hours. The kids were doing a heck of a job testing my patience with loads of whining, crying…
As I was heading home from a quick trip to the high country, I found myself driving into a thick patch of fog. I had been enjoying seeing the beauty of the mountains through my car window, the snow dusted pine trees, the creek with fresh water breaking through the…
Over the past two weeks, I have had the opportunity to participate in two volunteer events with Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, an organization that provides services to families who have lost babies. Both of these opportunities took place right around the time of Micah’s 3rd…
My previous post about my visit to the cemetery seemed to resonate with so many women out there, so I decided to make it into a short video. For so many moms out there, the cemetery is where their child resides. It might be the only place where they feel…