A Birthday, Father’s Day and a Due Date
Today is a day of mixed emotions. A little girl’s birthday. Father’s Day. And a due date that did not result in a birth date. If I could go back to this date three years ago, I would cry all the tears I wanted to cry…
Letting Go of Guilt When a Memory Brings More Joy Than Pain
There wasn’t much that I shared with the Facebook world after losing Micah because, well, my life was far from picture perfect. The doom and gloom of pregnancy loss doesn’t really interest people, and I didn’t have the energy to pretend that I thought…
I Stepped Out of My Comfort Zone at Church and This is What Happened
I did something I’ve never done before in church. I felt prompted by God and stepped out of my comfort zone in response. I confronted both my fear and skepticism and God showed up. There was a woman in attendance who I’m familiar with, but have…
To the Woman Who Minimized the Loss of My Baby
To the Woman Who Minimized the Loss of My Baby: You are absolutely correct. I don’t know what it’s like to have a full-term newborn baby die in my arms, but I can imagine the trauma and devastation you experienced as you watched your baby…
On Mother’s Day, Remember That All Moms Matter
Motherhood looks different for everyone. But despite the differences, all moms deserve to be celebrated on Mother’s Day. Because all moms matter. For those of us with living children, Mother’s Day is every day. We might have biological children, adopted children, or step-children. Our motherhood…
Mother’s Day is just around the corner, and being that it is always on a Sunday, many of us start our Mother’s Day celebrations by heading to church. Over the past few years, I’ve paid special attention to the prayers that are spoken in…
To the Nurse Who Held My Stillborn Baby
I trudged through those steel doors of the labor and delivery unit, my legs weak, my body unstable. It wasn’t the pregnancy weight that threatened my balance, but the weight of fear and sorrow. You guided me to the delivery room, the one that stood hidden at the…
January 31, 2015. I had a baby. But the hospital atmosphere was anything but celebratory. My baby had been born 20 weeks too soon, and as expected, did not survive. Giving birth had resulted in death instead of life. The hope that I had carried in expectation of adding a…
While working to declutter my bedroom today, I came across a stack of old journals and skimmed through one of them. It was the one that was given to me at the hospital after baby Micah died, and for months, I had filled its empty pages with my heartache and…
Mommy, When Will I Have a Sister?
I picked up my 3 year old daughter from preschool and listened as she told me about her new best friend; the one who had the “cutest” little sister. “Mommy, when will I have a sister?” she asked. As my eyes welled up with tears, I said, “I don’…